There is so much to say about that 6-letter, strangely spelled word. But as odd as it may be in appearance, “enough” and “being enough” is a common theme that can play out for you daily.
When you aren’t feeling “enough”, you aren’t feeling worthy. Boundaries are allowed to be crossed or they may even be non-existent. Asking for what you want and need is something you don’t want to burden others with. And going after those someday dreams or making those positive changes? If you don’t feel as if you are enough…just as you are, you won’t feel as if you are worth the effort.
This can feel very much like a chicken-egg situation: Are you enough so you make the changes? Or do you make the changes and then feel enough?
For me, the answer is “Yes!”. Chicken or egg, the answer is in the action.
Enough lesson learned
After my husband and I married, I experienced the epitome of not feeling as if I were enough.
What was suppose to have been a happy time turned into something very unexpected: Long-time friends disappeared because of their judgements; Friends of my husband were threatened by the fact that he could find happiness after being a widower for 3 years; and add in the pressure of blending a family and being respectful of what everyone else was experiencing, I hit rock bottom emotionally.
Everywhere I turned it seemed there were opinions about what I was doing, what I had done or who I was. I was taking in others’ attitudes and allowing my self-worth and esteem to plummet.
When things reached an all time low, I began seeing a counselor* and one conversation we had is still with me, even ten years later:
If you had someone say to you each day for the next 10 days that your eyes were brown, would you believe them? The next time you saw yourself in the mirror would you see brown eyes? Or would you know right away that you have green eyes.
Even if you double checked the mirror, just to be sure, would you stand by what you know or would you accept other opinions of having brown eyes? The choice you have is what you know to be true about yourself or what others tell you.”
This may seem silly, comparing my eye color to my self-esteem, my “enoughness”. But it was my first experience in realizing that when I feel “enough”, outside circumstances don’t matter. When I began to flex my enoughness muscle, I began to be okay with who I really was in the reality of my day to day life (which at the time wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be) and not take in others’ opinions of me or my circumstances.
What would this look like for you?
What are some ways you can stand in your own “enoughness”…just as you are?
Maybe this isn’t something that you can even wrap your head around just yet. There may have been abusive circumstances in our past that have left big holes to fill. Sometimes life can throw curve balls our way that leave us feeling flat and deflated. And commonly, we just forget who we are and the gifts we have to offer when we continue to engage in negative behaviors.
There IS hope through all of these situations. I truly do believe that.
If you’ve had traumatic experiences in your past, I encourage you to seek the help of a qualified professional, just as I did. If you’ve already begun rediscovering your worth but find that you keep getting stuck, I encourage you to keep going. Take a couple steps, realize a boundary for yourself, put it into place and then add in another. Learn to flex that enoughness muscle until it feels as natural as your eye color.
Making the first move to grow in feeling that you are enough can seem daunting, especially if you are doing it alone. This is a great time to take advantage of my birthday coaching session give-away. The free sessions are going quickly but it’s not too late to schedule. Hop over and grab a free session now. I’d love to spend the time talking with you about embracing who are now and who you want to be in the world. Even if you feel you need help unpacking a traumatic past, I’d be happy to use this time to help you find the courage and the resources you need.
Always remember, I believe in you.
*I speak fully into the differences between counseling and coaching in this blog post. I mention too, that I had a counselor who was more like a coach (and the one above is who I am referencing) and I’m grateful that I found him after my marriage when I needed that guidance more than psychotherapy.