Wanting big change in our lives, at any age, can bring up a range emotions from excitement to fear.
Wanting big change for ourselves when we have a host of responsibilities often takes us straight to, what I call, Guilt Land.
Maybe you are wanting to try a new hobby, travel with your best friend, change careers, move to a new city or open a wine bar. Want these things and have a family too?
I remember being there, mid-40’s, not happy in my career and wanting to start an online business. But my oldest son was graduating high school with his two brothers soon to follow. There was college, a mortgage and the debt was growing.
My family’s needs had always come first. Every decision that I made was based on those needs.
Now me wanting to focus on myself just seemed downright selfish. Guilt took over and so did the excuses as to why this was a horrible time for me to pursue my dream.
And then seeing my son graduating I realized that time was passing and holy shit it was time to start thinking about what I wanted in the future. The future that would exist after all my boys had moved on and out.
During this time, I learned three steps that helped get me out of Guilt Land and to a place of making my dreams come true.
Step 1: Identify your values that are feeling threatened.
Values are beliefs that you hold dear. They are the essence of what makes you “you”. I have found that when we feel guilt, one thing at play is a sense that some of our values may feel threatened. So ask yourself, “What is so important to me that now feels threatened by wanting this change?”
In my case, the connection that I had with my family was important and so was the sense of security that my 9-to-5 provided. Making a decision to start my own business threatened both my connection with my family and financial security.
Step 2: Examine if there is real truth in this “threat”.
Using my example: Was it really true that I had so much security in my 9-to-5? Would starting an online business really be a threat to my family connections?
Honestly, my not liking my job was a real threat to my career. I saw my productivity dwindling and my lack of interest was becoming more noticeable. I had become my own real threat to my job security.
And as for my connection to my family, me being unhappy and not feeling fulfilled in my career wasn’t a good example for my sons. And it most certainly didn’t leave me feeling like I was offering much in the way of conversations beyond my complaining. Geez, I was getting on my own nerves so I can’t imagine that the love that I felt for my family was really coming through.
Step 3: Look for alternatives that satisfy your values and still move you toward your dreams.
Truth be told, I would love to have a location independent business and travel all over the world but I knew that I couldn’t make that happen with my family’s needs still being so central. What I could do though was to take steps toward that dream.
I could begin taking on clients in the evenings and weekends to test out my ideas. I could build my clientele and bring in more money, providing more security. I could eventually build up enough of a client base to go out on my own full-time. Which I did.
Looking at my guilt with my values in tact, I was able to diffuse that emotional stumbling block and provide a path in achieving my dream.
Are you ready to move through your guilt to make your dreams come true? Book your complimentary discovery call with me and I’ll talk you through these steps.